by Chris Atley
Letting go can be tough - I so get it. It can sound easy enough – just let go! – but the issue is we have years of beliefs and fears to undo. It can be daunting. The happiness, lightness and sense of peace is worth every second of the grunt work though.
Here are some tips that will help, along with real life examples, and real life examples that will hopefully help you have an ah-ha moment and shift your own internal state.
Get clear on what you’re attached to. When we’re too attached to something there is some kind of fear going on underneath. Shine a light on it. What is the deeper fear? What are you afraid of really? One client was afraid she wouldn’t sell her house – this related back to a fear around money. Once she let go of this fear – she replaced it with everything will work out as it always does – she not only had two showings right away, but she also let go of the heaviness that had been weighing her down.
She created the space for a ton of new business ideas to come in! She had been feeling stuck in that area too and had a complete renewed energy. It was truly fascinating to witness.
Identify the positive intent of the fear. What is its positive purpose for being there? Another client was having a lot of anxiety around not doing a good job on a project – we busted through it and realized the positive intention of the anxiety was really freedom.
We also realized this part of her was very wise about self-care and we wanted to honour it. So you can see even though it’s a fear, it’s not always bad. If you can see the positive and reframe it, you can let go of the fear it’s actually causing. This client completely let go of the “I’m just going to throw in the towel”, and was actually inspired and motivated instead to continue! How amazing!!!
What gets to happen for you when you let go? Let go of the fear that has you tightly gripping what you want. Well for another client, she realized her team functions at a much higher level and the results are actually better then when she tries really hard. It just flows. Magnificent.
The need for approval. This is huge and is often at the root of a lot of the fear for people – thoughts like, what will people think if I screw-up, fail, say the wrong thing, etc. Another client was having a hard time planning for a tough conversation with a large client. There was potential to have to refund the entire project, and at first glance this seemed to be the issue causing the extra stress. After a little digging we discovered it was more about what the community would think if they parted on bad terms. This invited a conversation around who she wanted to be as a leader in her community.
How will she handle the people who don’t necessarily agree with her? Because the more we put ourselves out there, the percentage of people not loving what we do or say rises. So I ask you too – who do you want to BE? What vales are important to you? How will you let go of the need for approval while still valuing respect and connection?
I had my own case of this too. I had been working diligently on a project that didn’t seem to be flowing. I all of a sudden thought, let it go. You are trying way to hard to control the how. So I did, and the floodgates opened as a result. People I had been trying to reach for a year ended up reaching out. I booked a cool new speaking engagement, was invited to run a workshop for a large corporation and to also be a guest on a special call for a large real estate coaching group. Letting go works. It’s because what we put out we will get back. So if we’re putting out stress and worry, we will get back more of that.
On the flip side, if we let go of the fear and replace it with a calm state of trust, the very thing we were trying so hard to control comes flowing in at a rapid pace and often in a better way then we ever could have dreamed up ourselves! It will forever fascinate me.
Another client let go of the how so much so that she was able to arrange an amazing opportunity in India within just 4 days!!! EVERYTHING came together and her BIG dream of being paid to travel and impact people around the globe came true. YESSS!!!!
This is an internal process. We can make changes to our environment all we want – which is a great start don’t get me wrong – but at the end of the day it’s about shifting what’s happening on the inside that will then in turn change what’s happening on the outside.
Another client of mine was contemplating making a big change in her marriage. Well, when she finally let go of the attachment to it in her mind, it completely shifted for her. She was lighter, happier and amazing opportunities presented themselves in her business.
I share these stories so that you too can experience real life examples of what letting go looks like, and the profound effect it has on your overall happiness -and in turn relationships, health and career.
Namaste friends xo
Written by Success Speaker & Coach Chris Atley, CEO of Chris Atley LLC ~ Decisions by Design. For complimentary success tips for business and life, please visit www.chrisatley.com.
Photo Credit: Pensiero via Compfight cc
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